Entry tags:
Table scraps
I wish I'd found myself sooner. Your teenage years are for fucking around and finding out who you are, right? Because mine were spent not knowing what I did wrong.
Recently, my mother revealed to me she used to suffer with a depression so bad she basically lost her shit and started projecting onto me, becoming convinced I was "going down a bad road", thinking she had to straighten me up in order to save me... and all I ever did was go to high school, be harassed in every possible way, go home, and proceed to have an identity crisis because one minute I was told I was the sweetest angel that ever walked the earth, and the second I was the most cruel and selfish bastard in existence.
I wish I'd found metal sooner. That was the gateway drug. I remember my 14 year old self listening to "Wake Me Up Inside" and my mother becoming so alarmed. She got me deadass convinced all metal bands were evil and ate babies (don't get me started on the Black Metal Murders and why church burning became a thing!!), so I stayed away because that's what good god-loving (fearing) teenagers do, right?
Anyway, I guess I'm reminiscing now because more than ever, I wish I had been free to figure myself out 15 years ago and not have to put a personnality together from table scraps. It's so embarassing, making mistakes as an adult. I should have had plenty of time to sort it all out.
Recently, my mother revealed to me she used to suffer with a depression so bad she basically lost her shit and started projecting onto me, becoming convinced I was "going down a bad road", thinking she had to straighten me up in order to save me... and all I ever did was go to high school, be harassed in every possible way, go home, and proceed to have an identity crisis because one minute I was told I was the sweetest angel that ever walked the earth, and the second I was the most cruel and selfish bastard in existence.
I wish I'd found metal sooner. That was the gateway drug. I remember my 14 year old self listening to "Wake Me Up Inside" and my mother becoming so alarmed. She got me deadass convinced all metal bands were evil and ate babies (don't get me started on the Black Metal Murders and why church burning became a thing!!), so I stayed away because that's what good god-loving (fearing) teenagers do, right?
Anyway, I guess I'm reminiscing now because more than ever, I wish I had been free to figure myself out 15 years ago and not have to put a personnality together from table scraps. It's so embarassing, making mistakes as an adult. I should have had plenty of time to sort it all out.
